Visuddha - The Throat Chakra

The throat chakra just came into my attention during the past few weeks – it told me to pay attention to it. My throat and voice have been “off” lately. It’s like I my voice was coming from a place three centimetres above the place that it should really come from (the vocal chords). And when I spoke, my words seemed of a higher pitch, a lesser power, and hard to force out – that’s totally it! it seems I was forcing my speech. I tried to lower the pitch of my voice, forcefully, but it didn't work. It’s like I could only speak in one manner and it inherently didn't feel right. But at the same time, I couldn't seem to change it to what would feel right (which is the deep, slow, open, honest, loud and vibrant yet soft and smooth voice that I get when I’m in a yoga retreat for more than a few days). I’ve experienced the normal speech that I know I want to have, and so realized that my current speech was tilted and altered in some way. I thought about this for about a week or more, trying to figure out why my speech was like this. It finally came to me – I’m not speaking my truth. There was something bothering me and I wasn’t voicing it: I have been wanting to talk to my current employer about the date I want to leave my job this summer, but also ask for a raise for the remainder of my time employed with him. I have never, ever asked for a raise because all of my jobs have been four months or less in duration, and at that time I never really thought about asking. For some reason, at this job I feel like I deserve more for the work that I do because I’m doing it full-hearted, with good intentions and I’m basically working really hard. So, after chickening out for a full week because it didn’t feel like the right time to ask (which is also, coincidentally, the time I started having more mucous and scratchiness in my throat area), I finally said to myself that I have to do this because it will honour myself. It will honour the good work that I feel I am doing. So, I walked into my employer’s office and informed him when I expected to leave Nelson after our wedding, and that I knew it was an odd request seeing as I’m leaving in a few months, but that I would like to have a raise. The best part of all this is that I don’t even care if I get a monetary raise or not; the fact that I honoured myself and asked for it is so rewarding for me. And, now that a week has passed since talking to my employer, my voice is a little lighter, a little softer, a little more together, and a hell of a lot less scratchy. I think there is much, much more to this adventure, and that further honesty to myself and honesty in speech can be my road to a lower, easy voice that says what I truly desire to say, and not small chit-chat just for the sake of making noise and filling in space.