Hazardous Hobbies

TENSE! STRESSED!! EYES ARE TEARING!! TORSO IS FIXED! MUSCLES ACHE!!! Are these descriptors of your favourite hobby? No? Well, they happen to be mine. My favourite hobby isn't tackle football or a fast-paced game of ping pong (even though we have enjoyed a few games of the ol' pong here at the house we're sitting). No, my stressed out hobby is none other than crocheting. Yep, chrocheting (pronounced: kro-shae-ing). It requires the use of wool or yarn and a hook, whereby repeated knot-making produces pretty items like toques or scarves.The idealistic picture in your mind of a grandma sitting comfortably in a rocking chair knitting away in peace is a total farce. Maybe it takes sixty years before you get good at hiding the fact that crocheting is stressful. The hobby should have an exercise warning: "Check with your doctor before you begin any crochet regime." Really though, if I hooked myself up to a heart rate monitor, a blood pressure sensor and some EMG's (electromyography which measures muscle intensity) and started crocheting my latest project, my test results would lead one to think I were either just about to lose a $10,000 bet on a horse race, or that I was extremely constipated. It's not an easy sport. Yes, I just called crocheting a sport. If I want to live long and prosper, I should seriously think about starting to smoke pot and cease hazardous activities like crocheting.